I didn’t look

By Aryana Adkanian

I looked into a mirror once
and saw everything I felt
I saw blurry voices and
I saw stolen skin and
I saw thoughts that can’t
be unspoken

I looked into a mirror once
and saw everything I did
I saw forgotten secrets and
I saw whispered regrets and
I saw actions that can’t
be undone

I looked into a mirror once
and saw everything I heard
I saw blaring sirens and
I saw nervous screams and
I saw words that can’t
be undiscerned

I looked into a mirror once
and saw what I’d become
I saw this ugly mind and
I saw this dirty body and
I saw my self that can’t
be understood

I looked into a mirror once
and saw everything I felt
and saw everything I did
and saw everything I heard
and saw what I’d become
becoming who I wasn’t

I looked into the rearview
I saw lights dance, flashing

I looked through broken glass
I saw blood seeping in cracks

I looked down at the wheel
I saw bruising hands grip, tight

I looked into a mirror once
I didn’t dare look round at you

I looked into a mirror once
and I –
you never will again