by Joshua Riley
There was a time when you had to ask to jump into the world wide quagmire with its black waters that seeped into your basement den through a little electric box. You had to fire up your machine to chat through text with other users that you would never meet.
Here is the horizon of our bright future! The internet shall rain down on us like fire bombs of flame wars in every blog comment section you never asked for! It is here, O! Bright Future! Soon enough, the e-text books will refer to this time as the Dark Age when Internet carrying Air Ships took to the skies. Our friendly Search Engines drum the beat of progress! A New World’s Fair Exhibition will shower our little devices with lightning fast speeds as they harvest the elemental forces of wind and rain to help us google, ‘what is a loon?’ from our little handsets.
In the second great revolution, it will be free. The internet should not be impeded by pay-for-us gangsters that clog up our subterranean fiber optic sewage canals. The days of tyranny are over, Google took to the sky with its Hot Air Balloons. The shackles cast off, Cry Freedom! from the racketeering masters of Internet Service Providers. The Providers will have to chase the Loon with nets. Neutral air space will have to be implemented. The Provider will institute a no-fly zone over central Pennsylvania, and the war will start in earnest as uneasy alliances are formed between The Red and The Orange. All the world will wait to see where the Marching Armies of The Social Network will enter the fray, and we will all hold our breath to see the skies alit with the burning of our Internet.
Oh, the humanity! Will be an afterthought, Oh the Internet! The Internet is falling in a fiery dream!